When the Cards Call You TF Out, or When Your Dead Biodad Yells at You Like You’re a Little Girl: A Story in 9 Cards

So, as you probably know, we here at Geology of the Soul (aka GotS) like our monthly divination challenges. Given that it’s October, we designed this month’s challenge to be all about connecting with spirits. If you read a recent blog post, then you know that the card I drew for October’s first prompt—“What do I need to focus on most when it comes to connecting with spirits”—was Artemis, the Amazon of Earth in the Dark Goddess Tarot app.

Care for the little ones. Defend those who cannot defend themselves. Teach strength through example.
— Dark Goddess Tarot App: Artemis, Amazon of Earth

So, this afternoon, I was like: “Dude. I haven’t drawn a card since Oct. 1. What’s up with that?!” And I decided to catch up. (See? It’s never too late to catch up—haven’t started yet? No problem! Start right now!)

The Wild Unknown wanted to speak. Some day, I’m going to write a post about how decks asked to be used, but that’s not today. Today is about getting called out. And yelled at by my biodad. Who is dead. And getting smacked upside the head by Hekate. Who is a mama bear of a goddess. She means well. She really does. (I say as I rub my wounded metaphorical head.)

Okay, y’all ready for this? (Go on, click the link. I dare you.)

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Day 2. What gets in the way of my connecting to spirits?

6 of wands: Your own cockiness. You think because you can connect with spirits like that *snaps fingers* you don’t need to do this challenge? You think you’ve already “won” at this game? Seriously? Bitch, please. *whomp upside the head with six sticks*

Day 3. What strengths can I use to overcome this challenge?

10 of cups: Your ability to connect people. 10 of cups often speaks to “having it all” when it comes to relationships, but in this deck, I love how the image looks like we’re playing telephone with tin cans or solo cups. All about that communication. So COMMUNICATE already!

Day 4. What am I most scared of when it comes to connecting with spirits?

Mother of pentacles: Well, then. Yeah, I am a little afraid of the “mama bear” messages I seem to receive pretty regularly about what I’m supposed to be doing. (Although I did throw a mama bear message to my mentor today when I’d learned she hadn’t eaten all day: SELF-CARE 101! GO EAT!) Anyway, I digress. (Why do people say that when they digress? I mean, really. We already know you’ve digressed. If you want to be as concise as possible—which, apparently, I don’t today—then you don’t NEED to tell us that you’ve digressed.) (Ahem.)

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Not to mention the whole Big-Angie-struggling-with-her-relationship-with-her-own-son/motherhood thing that’s been going on for the last year. He’s a teenage boy. He wants to focus on his dad, not mom. Mom is too full of emotions and queerness and woo-woo shit. Sigh.

Also, yes, I supposed I’m still am a little afraid of my own mother’s judgement of my connection with spirits. And my mother-in-law’s. It’s of the devil, you know. (No, it’s not.) Although, growing up, my mom just said I was touched by God. (I was. I just also happened to be in touch with a bunch of gods. And animal spirits. And the dead.) Also, my mom is pretty open to this stuff now. So maybe it’s just Little Angie who’s scared.

Ohhh…ding ding ding! What was that first blog post about???

LITTLE ANGIE and reparenting.

Day 5. How best can I move forward even with this fear?

2 of pentacles: Do it anyway. Juggle it all. Use it as a way to spread your wings and begin to take flight.

Day 6. What boundaries should I put in place before speaking with spirits?

Ace of pentacles: Double-check and reinforce the boundaries of your physical home. This is a message that has been coming through the last few days in general. Time to re-up the protection.

Day 7. What energies should I focus on to open myself up to speaking with spirits?

Judgement: *Shivers* Ewwww, judgement. Well, I suppose this is actually a good thing. Use my judgement. Use my sense of discernment. Which, honestly, I THOUGHT I was doing a couple weeks ago when I kicked my (dead) biodad out of my house. See, I had thought the reason I couldn’t connect with a different spirit guide was due to my biodad? That their energies didn’t mesh? Which, yeah, that was true. But kicking him out? Didn’t bring my other spirit guide back. She’s off cavorting with a bunch of cherubic angel children at a client’s house. For reals. Don’t ask. I’ll digress again.

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Biodad is NOT happy I kicked him out. And he was NOT happy it took me, like, five years to realize he was haunting me. He’s also pretty adept at messing with electronics to get his messages across. And music. He often sends signs through the radio or TV. Or internet. Or multiple friends. Or mediums. Or my cards. He can be insistent.

Day 8. What ancestor wants to engage with me right now?

Six of cups: FUCK. Y’all watching my lives this summer—you saw how many times that came up, yeah? Did I talk about all the times it came up between me and my wife pre-marriage (it’s been stalking us since January). Have I talked yet about JUST HOW six of cups it was that I got married in my childhood region? Six of cups = CHILDHOOD, yo!

Little Angie is baaa-aaa-ack!

(Honestly, I thought my biodad would show up in this position, since he’s been sending messages to Fox and sending me messages in my dreams that he’s haunting my son.)

Day 9. Why do you want to engage with me right now?

Father of swords: And there it is folks. My Aquarius (swords/air) biodad. And it’s an owl in this deck. Which I have on my arm, to represent my own motherhood and my son.

Got it, biodad. Got it, Little Angie. Lord have mercy, how many layers can we pack into one reading?!

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I need to allow biodad back into my (re-protected) boundaries. It feels a little like he’s exasperated with me. Or more like Little Angie is exasperated with me. But, honestly? I kind of kicked him out in the first place BECAUSE of Little Angie. I have fond memories of writing biodad letters as a kid, tears streaming down my face, and letting the tears stain the stationery so he could SEE just how much pain he caused me (melodramatic much?). I only met him, like, three times in person before I was 17. And once more in my 30s, after we’d reconnected on Facebook (god, I miss his randomly “liking” every.single.thing. I posted). He got lung cancer—those damn cigarettes of his; it’s the clearest indicator when he’s around—and it traveled to his brain. He passed away at age 57.

I thought, for Little Angie’s sake, I shouldn’t so easily forgive his human stupidity. His human addictions. His human empty promises. “We can’t trust him,” I told Little Angie. “He does this. He comes into our life, makes stupid promises, and leaves. Do you really wanna go through this again?!” So we left him before he could leave us.

Oops.

Okay. You can come back, Roger Daddy. Little Angie and I would like to invite you back in. And while you’re at it, can you use some of your amazingness to help with the protection around my house? Thanks, dad. I look forward to smelling your stale cigarettes and learning to trust. Both you and the universe.

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Angie Brown Knight-Reiter is the founder of Geology of the Soul. She is a queer psychic Tarot reader and Soul Coach who cheerleads her clients to their empowered best. Book a reading with her today, or sign up for her upcoming Tarot + Self-Care for the Holidays Group Coaching Package.